In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
