I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
