you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
