At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
