I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
