I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
