So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
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