Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
That's intense
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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