Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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