My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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