I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I look better un-naked...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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