all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The air taste purple.
Randomize
