I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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