yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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