What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
