I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
and she was petting her beer can
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
