Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
