East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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