she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i think my cat just said my name.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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