He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
