Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
