Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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