My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
