he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
