you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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