we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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