Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She announced her abortion via fbk
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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