I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's rum buckets o'clock
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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