At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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