Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
