his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
