Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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