I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
