why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize