i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
