would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
