So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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