I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
