Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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