OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
