i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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