ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
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