i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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