i already hear my dad disowning me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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