I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
