I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
