All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
