remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize