Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
