i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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