"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
