sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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