I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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