My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
