I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
did i just pee glitter
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize