so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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