Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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