I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
