dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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