Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
