All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
