He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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