I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize