That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
