I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's shark week go big or go home
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
