And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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