We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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