hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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