A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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