yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
