Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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