the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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