My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
