this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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