pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you traded sex for a burrito?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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