One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
