someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
